The idea of becoming a mother really scared me. Not because of the responsibility it takes to raise a little human, or because I didn’t want to give up my freedom. No. It was because I had an idea in my head of what being a mother meant, of what the role looked like, and that role didn’t really fit me or my lifestyle. And for whatever reason, picturing other people hearing that I was a mother and thinking that I was playing the role I had imagined, freaked me out! And then feeling like I had to become, embrace and live up to that specific role, also freaked me out! (In hindsight, there was a lot of freaking out happening)
I never thought that I attached such specific meanings to any title or role, until I was the one possibly stepping into those shoes, becoming said label. It’s easy to just say, I am my true self, blah blah blah. But feeling it and truly knowing it is a whole other story. The way I managed to see past this is to truly be in the present. Be with myself, be with my little one. Do things as I see fit and not how ‘a mother’ would do it, but how a Lindsay would do it. I started doing this and shifting my perspective while I was pregnant (again I had an idea of what being pregnant meant! smh). So by the time the little one came I had already dropped and given up the labels and any idea of playing a specific role called ‘mother’.
The truth of the matter is that I am me, I have always been me, I will always be me. How I see the world and life, and what I learn about myself and my habits may change. But who I am, my truest inner self, will never change. So it doesn’t matter if I’m a mother, or a single woman or a super successful CEO or a vagrant. I will always be the same person. I would probably be doing different things, but definitely not following any cookie cutter list that describes any of the labels.
Most of us have very specific ideas of what being a woman means, what being a man means, what being a mother, father, son, daughter, or grandparent means, what being a professional or a student means, what being young or old means. Often we end up in a situation where we can’t live up to our own expectations of playing that role, and serious inner conflict arrises. We think this role is who we are. So when life sends us a curve ball (or a spin ball for those cricket fans out there) and we don’t react precisely as our fabricated persona ‘should’, we end up in great suffering. Not to mention we also often end up judging others if they aren’t living up to our idea of what their role ‘should’ be.
Picture an artist or a business woman, a hipster or a physicist. What idea do you have about how they walk, talk and think. What you imagine may be true of some people but most definitely not all, and probably not even the majority. So when you find yourself stepping into a role, be it a certain job position, becoming a parent or whatever else it may be, don’t try to then become what you think that label requires. Bring your truest self to it. And yes you may be changed as you experience new things, if you are open to learning and expanding, and that’s great! But don’t think you MUST change yourself to fit the mold of what you think you should be. Learning this brings true freedom to anything you wish to do. Being centred in yourself is ultimate freedom. Happiness is freedom. Freedom is happiness. Let’s all be happy! Let’s all be free!